Hi!
Long time no see. =) Feeling depressed lately?
I hope not.
*sigh*
Have you ever felt that there is a [reset] button for you to press that could make you start over your life from any point you like? Well… I wish there was such a thing. Hmm… I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About work stuff, about my personal interests, about where I am standing now and where I should have been standing if I took a different path on a crossroad I met with a long time ago. Anyways, I just read a journal entry from a fellow online friend. I kinda look up to her in certain aspects because I feel like we have some things in common, and she’s a year older than I am. We’re both female who studies architecture (I’m in UiTM while she’s in UIA), we both draw anime-manga-stuff (but she’s way wayyy better than I do and is well known online for her talent), and I just got to know that she got married recently too! The thing is, she pursued her career in architecture. She further her studies abroad and is on her way of becoming a lecturer. She has even designed and built her own house to live in with her husband. For me, that is one thing I used to thought I could do, but instead I am nowhere near that now.
Did I regret pursuing my career that makes me do the things I like? Well, nope. I just wished I had worked harder, and that this particular career has a better prospect to get more recognition from the masses in this particular country. Sadly, I don’t think it’s even possible within my time frame. Though, the potential is there and that the government does give monetary support but it’s a bit slow and I don’t really know if it can catch up to a point that making it as a long term career. I even get to see smirks on people faces when I told them I’m working as an animator with a 12 hour job with [this] amount of payment and [this] much of benefit from the company. Sometimes it makes me happy that some people DO actually recognize animators as an actual job, but it irks me when they asked me…
“Oh, so ko kije kat company sekian sekian kat shah ala ni la ye?? yang buat cite 3D sekian sekian tu?”
“err.. tak. aku kije kat company sekian sekian kat puchong. ktorang buat 2D animation je”
“oh? 2D je?” *insert smirked face*
yeah rite whatever…
I think I am standing at another crossroad here. Whether I should go back and revert to become another normal working citizen with a normal working hour that can cope up with a normal growing family, or just pursue and give it all I’ve got to this uncertainty?
I envy my online friend there.
She’s enjoying what she’s doing.
I am losing it.
Give me back the pleasure of doing the things I like! PLEASE!!!
p/s: I am now 6 weeks pregnant and not feeling too healthy…
i think,you shouldn’t compare too much about your other’s life and you, and too concious about how others see you,cuz this will makes you become more upset with what you hav.
Always look upon the bright side =) I think you have a good life too ^^ a loving husband and stepping into ur motherhood soon (woots! congratz again!!!)not losing anything la ;D cheer up ya~
It traces me here after your post on zeen’s dA. It’s good to know you vent this out somewhere. I think I could share a thing or 2 with u here since I’ve largely been thru what yer going thru now(save for the pregnancy/marriage blabla).
Very much similar quandary, most of my frens now work as professionals(either engineers/accountants)in some multinational companies. They make much more money, even some of their entry salary was much better than what I have now.
Apart from salary, they also enjoy better benefits, lesser work hour, greater recognition from the society etc etc.
At one point, I’m really frustrated it feels like I’m getting nowhere with this job. It feels like I might just spend all my life doing things that aren’t worthy at all. Then it goes back to why did I make this choice at all. Becoz of passion? money doesn’t matter?Doing what I really like no matter what it takes? but now money matters right? Now there is some conditions to doing what we like right? We ought to be comfortable & be as successful or at least some form of recognition right? Seems like we’re not getting any of those.
While we’re taking our leaps of faith in the first place, we were at the same time having some expectations. Eventually, failure to meet those expectations make our lives more miserable.
Sometimes, I think, we’re too focused on what we possess now that we’re unaware/ignorant of the bigger picture. Perhaps yer seeing your work from your job’s scope/perspective only (I was too). but then I get to exposed to the industry more, I realized it is much more livelier than what i had in mind. In there lies a lot of opportunities. I’m more worried of myself not being well geared when the opportunity arises. Do realize we have this potential to make IPs & we’re in the age of internet. There’s so much potential everywhere. In the case that you are serious about making an impact in this field.
sorry for being a bit wordy and a bit off-focus somewhere inbetween… but generally
I don’t think I have said enough.. haha… & there’s too much to say… I haven’t told u what I suffer(ed) & how… I’d suggest u read some books like “the road less travelled” which might alleviate some of ur inner conflicts… & blablayadayada… Do I feel like a lecturer or something? plz forgive me… I’m quite drowsy right now.. in need of sleep. nite.
ayez dear, u r doin just fine.. dont think too much ok..? tak baik utk baby. ko masih muda, byk lg benda yg akan ko lalui.. follow the white rabbit and u will find that there will always be a bright future on ur side~
Aww.. Akak agak yakin Ayez tengah merujuk kpd Norli kan? Well, it’s her personal choice.
Bagi Akak, kalau dah stuck with lecturing, mmg susah nak tinggalkan that job & focus on art. Malah kalau dah terjun ke dlm bidang akademik, your art sense/skills akan terhapus. You’ll do research, stats, paperworks, research, stats, paperworks +++ Masa utk art akan LESAP sama sekali. Akak sedikit sebanyak memberontak part2 camnih.
Hey, its still possible to shine dlm bidang art. Banding at least 5 tahun lps, skrg opportunity sentiasa datang bergolek.
Contoh terhebat ialah Kartunis arah Joan. She’s both a mom & a full time artist. Ayez is young 7 can still plan your direction. So, pehal pun. All the best, Ayez. ^^