Hi!
Long time no see. =) Feeling depressed lately?
I hope not.

*sigh*

Have you ever felt that there is a [reset] button for you to press that could make you start over your life from any point you like? Well… I wish there was such a thing. Hmm… I’ve been thinking a lot lately. About work stuff, about my personal interests, about where I am standing now and where I should have been standing if I took a different path on a crossroad I met with a long time ago. Anyways, I just read a journal entry from a fellow online friend. I kinda look up to her in certain aspects because I feel like we have some things in common, and she’s a year older than I am. We’re both female who studies architecture (I’m in UiTM while she’s in UIA), we both draw anime-manga-stuff (but she’s way wayyy better than I do and is well known online for her talent), and I just got to know that she got married recently too! The thing is, she pursued her career in architecture. She further her studies abroad and is on her way of becoming a lecturer. She has even designed and built her own house to live in with her husband. For me, that is one thing I used to thought I could do, but instead I am nowhere near that now.

Did I regret pursuing my career that makes me do the things I like? Well, nope. I just wished I had worked harder, and that this particular career has a better prospect to get more recognition from the masses in this particular country. Sadly, I don’t think it’s even possible within my time frame. Though, the potential is there and that the government does give monetary support but it’s a bit slow and I don’t really know if it can catch up to a point that making it as a long term career. I even get to see smirks on people faces when I told them I’m working as an animator with a 12 hour job with [this] amount of payment and [this] much of benefit from the company. Sometimes it makes me happy that some people DO actually recognize animators as an actual job, but it irks me when they asked me…
“Oh, so ko kije kat company sekian sekian kat shah ala ni la ye?? yang buat cite 3D sekian sekian tu?”
“err.. tak. aku kije kat company sekian sekian kat puchong. ktorang buat 2D animation je”
“oh? 2D je?” *insert smirked face*

yeah rite whatever…

I think I am standing at another crossroad here. Whether I should go back and revert to become another normal working citizen with a normal working hour that can cope up with a normal growing family, or just pursue and give it all I’ve got to this uncertainty?
I envy my online friend there.
She’s enjoying what she’s doing.

I am losing it.

Give me back the pleasure of doing the things I like! PLEASE!!!

p/s: I am now 6 weeks pregnant and not feeling too healthy…